Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
