I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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