I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's blow job season.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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