The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
