You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
sex in a hospital.. check
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
