Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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