Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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