So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
