Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
