Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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