he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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