What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
