you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
