He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
