it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
