i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
