wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
