i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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