You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize