I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
