This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
