i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
