Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize