and you said cock pushups were impossible
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
