Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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