yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
did i walk over a car last night?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
