I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
