Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
