I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize