i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
