Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
