if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
