I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
