i just google imaged poop.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
