Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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