I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
