Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
