1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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