Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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