I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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