True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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