had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
