the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
