But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she peed on how many people?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
