You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
