They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
