You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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