I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize