She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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