Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
