You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
