We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
