i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
