Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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