the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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