why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
