Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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