I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
