is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
