well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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