i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize