You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
honey bunches of taint.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
