So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
