What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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