You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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