u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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