Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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