just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
