I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
